Gary Paul Madness
by Furyfur
Summary: One-shot! Yay! Flames welcome. Gary happens to find Paul out in the forest, where they get in a huge riot over who's the better rival for what's-his-name, aka Ash. Watch the terror that will forever haunt Ash.


Gary + Paul = Madness

A/N: I don't own pokemon. Something bad is bound to happen if you put both of Ash's rivals together. Flames are welcome and please R&R.

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"Electivire, use Thunder Punch!"

"Dodge it and use Frenzy Plant."

Paul was peacefully making his way to Hearthome City for the second time when a kid with a high-pitched voice and messed up brown hair had interrupted his peace. The kid had sent out an Electivire, as Paul decided to fight back with his Torterra. The Frenzy Plant had managed to knock the pathetic Electivire out after what seemed to be a full-on brawl.

"Hey, that's a strong Torterra you've got there! What's your name?" The kid asked.

"None of your business."

"I'm Gary!"

"You seemed to have mistook me for someone who cares."

"Hey, do you know Ash Ketchup?"

Paul blinked in confusion. The Ketchup part reminded him of his rival, but it occurred to him that he never really learned his name. "The thing with the screwed up lopsided black hair?"

"That's exactly how I think of him. The kid with the rapidly changing voice and the Pikachu. He travels around with a girl with midnight hair who is crazy about poems and that dude that never opens his eyes." The kid smiled. Paul couldn't stop glaring.

"You talk too much. Yeah, I know him."

"You talk too little! What's your name?"

"If it'll make you stop bugging me, it's Paul."

"Paul! I knew it! Ash keeps talking about you! He called you by the emo with the oddly colored hair that no one seems to point out." Gary grinned. Paul's expression didn't change. "So you're his rival?"

"Maybe I am."

"No kidding? I was his old rival! This is such a coincidence!"

"Look, I have no idea who you are. Why don't you just leave me alone and stop talking about that pathetic-"

Before Paul could kick Gary to the curb, a giant purple dinosaur leaped through a blue and purple portal. "Hey, kids! It's me, Barney! Let's sing a retarded song just for the heck of it! Paul's brother is a _moron_!" Paul shot a disgusted look at Barney, even though he'd have to agree with the part about his brother.

"Back off, Barney. This is a pokemon fic," Paul growled at the purple dinosaur. "Jeez, every blood-thirsty predator becomes extinct, and the only one that survives is fat and purple with no teeth that sings all day to kids! He doesn't even get paid!" Barney's tail dropped and he went back through the portal with his animal friends. Well, not so much as friends, just people he doesn't know in costumes.

"You were a little harsh on the guy, Paul." Gary said. He spun around and instantly changed into a pink girly kimono. "You gotta accept different people for who they are, Baby!!!"

"What the heck??? Leave me alone!" Paul turned around and tried to run, but Gary just wrapped his arms around him in a giant hug.

"You can't deny our friendship, Paul!!!" He shouted.

"This must be the gayest one-shot in a while!" Paul yelled at Gary. He was still hugging him and refused to let go. _Must be a full moon…_Paul thought. "Hey, we just met! This is moving way to fast!"

I barged in to my own one-shot. "Gary, you promised me you wouldn't do this! Gary + Paul = Madness wasn't supposed to be a shipping fic!" I screamed, holding a script. "You let go!"

Gary instantly released his death-grip on Paul. "Well, you also said this wouldn't be a self-inserted fic!" he rebounded. My eyes widened and I disappeared in a puff of purple smoke. Because purple is an awesome color. Deal with it. "Let's get this one-shot _moving_!!!" Gary yelled, pumping his fist in the air.

"Hurrah."

"You're emo. Has anybody ever told you that?"

Paul seemed offended. "Yes, and more than once! And for crying out loud, it's not true!"

"Is it?"

Paul dropped to his knees, and for once in his lifetime, sobbed life out of him. "It's true, it's true! I'm totally emo! I was hoping nobody would find out!" Gary patted his back as Paul continued to scream about hating life.

"Everybody found out, Paul."

"NOT HELPING!!!"

"Sorry, sorry. Let it all out, Paul."

Paul sniffled. "Don't say my name. It sounds gay when you say it."

"No offence, but it sounds gay whenever you speak."

"Thanks."

"Sorry. Okay now?"

"Yeah, thanks. You're a good friend. DID I JUST SAY THAT??? DID YOU POISON ME OR SOMETHING???" Paul jumped up, startled at what he had just said.

"The writer thinks I have special powers, so in her world I do."

"Dear Lord!"

"Well, I can't blame her for thinking that. I _am _the better rival for Ash."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. You? The better rival for Max?"

"Ash. See? You don't even know his name! He doesn't even look like a Max!"

"Ash, whatever. I can kick him in to shape. All you'd do is yell in his face with that annoying voice and hug him."

"Oh, please. We never hugged. That was my first in two years. Even my sister won't hug me."

"Gee, I wonder why…?"

"It's sort of odd, because she hugs every living thing she sees. Once, this guy with a gun…"

"Trust me, no one wants to hear how your sister almost got shot."

"What do you mean, 'almost?'"

"…" Paul stared dumbfounded. "The point is, I'm the better rival."

"Oh, really? Is that so?"

"It sure is. Can you hear me okay?" Paul smirked. Gary turned fiery red and clenched his fists until they were almost white.

"Well, if you're so sure, let's just ask Ash ourselves!"

_Who's Ash?_ Paul asked himself inside his head. He reminded himself about who they were talking about in the first place. "Be my guest."

After about and hour of traveling together, Gary and Paul finally found Ash's camp. The second Ash laid his eyes on the two, all color drained from his face. "Oh, h-hi…Gary…and Paul…t-together…" he stammered.

"Ash, which one of us is the better rival?" Gary asked the pale retard. He made these huge eyes, revealing pools of a stormy blue. Ash turned even paler, if that was possible. Paul continued to glare. Ash's eyes darted between the two for a few seconds. After what seemed like an eternity, Ash grabbed a donut out of a box and ran for dear life.

"Yeah, you better run," Paul said loudly to make sure the fleeing idiot heard. "If he runs away, that usually means he wants to say my name," Paul explained.

"Oh, no! He didn't say anything! I will destroy you to prove I am the best rival in the world! I'm also the best singer!" Gary formed an imaginary microphone in his hands and sang the chorus to 'Every Time We Touch.' "Thank you, thank you!"

"That was terrible, for the record."

"I say we settle this with a hotdog eating contest!" Gary yelled. Paul made a face.

"That's the worst idea I've heard in a while. But I'll do it anyway!!!"

After setting up the contest, there were 18 hotdogs in front of the trainers. Gary started shoving hotdogs down his throat. Paul picked up a hotdog and slowly took a small bite off of the end. It was by the time he had swallowed it when Gary had eaten the other 17 hotdogs. Paul was forced to hit the ground and pronounce Gary the best rival in the history of forever in the universe- and Pluto, though nobody cares about it any more.

**I love making one-shots! R&R and flame if that's what you think of this! Gary rules! ~Furyfur**


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